What’s next?? I don’t think I’m supposed to fully know but I’m also not one to simply sit around and hope something happens…and if I’m being honest, that’s a bit to a fault. The exciting thing is, as I have been asking and learning and waiting and listening, I haven’t been able to shake this idea of going back to school. Well one thing led to another and I have put in my application at Liberty University. 

If you know me and we have talked in the last 2 years (lol real timeline), then you know Adam and I have started the process toward building a house in the Liberty area. Adam had this dream of his own house on their family farm since he was young.  When we started dating he invited me into dreaming with him. As our marriage grew (and self imploded then rebuilt with a solid foundation), we started feeling this draw towards helping other families like ours as a first responder or military component. We didn’t know what specifically that looked like, but we’ve always been available to say ‘hey we have gotten it really wrong along the way and have also started to get it right. So if you’re looking for someone to talk through that, follow us as we follow Jesus and learn how to honor him with this life.’ We also knew building this house was creating a safe space for this ministry to take place for families of all kinds. 

Well what does this dream have to do with me going to school?!? I’m glad you asked!

After asking a close friend and mentor of mine what could school actually look like in my life, she suggested to consider looking at degrees that ultimately set myself up for ministry in various ways. After a friend/pastor of mine suggested to look at all Liberty University had to offer….there it was. A bachelors degree in psychology/behavioral science with a focus in military resilience. It couldn’t have looked more perfect. So this is the next step. Further my education. Position myself in a place for the Lord to continue to equip me with the gifts and knowledge to build up the body of Christ. Ultimately gain some working knowledge I can utilize in whatever our next season holds. Whether to teach, to counsel, or to build onto something I haven’t even thought of. 

On the outside looking in (and if I’m being honest on the inside looking out haha), these pieces of our story feel like long paths to get to a final result. I have thought many times WHEN IN THE WORLD are we going to actually end up on the farm?! What is our ministry supposed to look like in the meantime. But the lord opened my eyes to a part of a familiar story when I was reading my Bible the other day. 

“When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle.”

‭‭Exodus‬ ‭13‬:‭17‬-‭18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I genuinely believe this is the same type of path God is using in our story. There is definitely a shorter way to the outcome of the next two years, but I truly believe God is using this next season, the longer path ahead, to bring us to a place when we meet back again at the end of this 2yrs, where we are ready….ready for battle…and ready to help others experience freedom in a field that often physically and spiritually is surround by death. 

I share this to update but also remind, this would have never looked like a piece of the story if I wouldn’t have first taken the step of obedience to begin this new journey. The great news is, in 2yrs we will be back home, in our NEW home on the farm and I will have a little more studying under my belt on how to help share hope with others who have walked through the military life circumstances from all different branches and walks. So like I said, the first piece has fallen into place and while it’s not a full picture of the puzzle, there is something so satisfying and exciting when one piece connects to the other that brings you back for more.

Have you ever had a season where it felt like everything is exactly as it should be. And you worked hard to get there. It’s what we dream about and pray for. We think that is the place when we finally find it, we should stay there because that’s what the Lord would want us to have. We proved our faithfulness and this is the result of it. 

The crazy thing about it , is when we arrive to that “place” we lose sight of the fact that this world, the life we live, is not about our own happiness or “dream life” we envision. As a Christian it’s about so much more. 

It’s about sacrifice, it’s about selflessness. We must sacrifice the “idea of what should be” to live in the purpose He created for us. 

Many people are watching this next step of our life and see it as me submitting my job for the sake of Adams. (Which in some capacity that is the military life) But what God is really showing me is it’s not about giving up what I want for what Adam wants it’s about giving up what I want for what God has in store for me to do. He is simply using our jobs in this season as a means to get there. 

It sounds silly but I truly am living what I thought was the dream I longed for. Infact it’s what I prayed for. I wanted to work in full time Ministry at a church I love that is truly showing others the Love and Truth of Jesus through what is taught & what is shared through serving within our community. I wanted to be a wife and mom and have a schedule that allowed me to do that. To have a community of people who understand our lifestyle as a first responder or veteran with the military.  I am living what I thought the dream was. But this life, this dream, needs to align with His will and not our own. 

So we are packing and moving and I have this expectancy knowing that God, at the end of the day, has something in store for us. As I sit here and listen…His only answer is “I am here…you just have to wait”. Jesus’ character is exactly that “you do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand” John 13:7 

he said this as he washed Peters feet. And Peter initially rejects its but Jesus responds: unless you submit to my ways even when you do not understand, your life will not align with mine. 

Each season EVEN WHEN WE THINK WE KNOW….we don’t actually know what He is doing. He just calls us to take each step in obedience. Aligning our hearts and lives with His will knowing it’s ultimately for others to come to know Him. So while I cry because I am leaving the love and security of my friendships and job and community, I have a peace and stirring expectancy because Every time in the past we have been called to a next step it has always been for something so much bigger than ourselves and so much bigger than what we think it will be. 

God said there will be more. Just wait. There will be pain but there will be joy. And do not fear in that. Trust it is all for His purpose. 

I was having coffee with a sweet friend the other day and I started recognizing a trend in many of my chats with first responders/military spouses. Almost all of us have ‘that story’. The one where you are newly married, or new to the career as a family, and it’s your first time recognizing the call and sacrifice of the job. They say they will call you when they know more information but hours, sometimes days go by without word. No call, no text, no email. You check your phone EVERY 5 minutes thinking maybe you just missed their attempt to reach out while you sit at home, alone in your thoughts and wonder if/when they are coming home. Hours pass without communication and you immediately start snowballing into a mess of thoughts. Why haven’t they called? Why is it taking so long for them to come home? What were they doing? Will I ever get to see them again? What were the last words we said to each other? The list goes on, but I believe that God takes us through this test as a family for a very specific purpose. He is laying out the foundation for us as a spouse to remember, our first responders/soldier was never ours to begin with. 

In our vows we often mention the words “our spouse is a gift from God” but less often do we really sink into what that actually means.  God wants to be our full portion and everything we need through all of life’s highs and lows. When we get married we vow to share that with our spouse and we lean into them for comfort and support in the hardest of times. We look to them for the greatest of laughs and memories we hope to share. They are our best friends and God calls us to be one with them. Even scripture tells us in Ecclesiastes 4:12

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

 The promise is that God strengthens what is woven together in Him. But in order to be woven with Him we must solely rest in Him. Very easily we can take what was intended to be a gift and find our identity wrapped in our spouse. We turn our spouse into our God rather than fully surrendering them to Him.

 The risk of the job is real. I think what God is teaching us through the testing is that He must be our everything. Our spouse is simply a gift in this life. It elevates the life we get to live but our spouse can’t be our everything. God wants to be our full portion and the peace in our lives through every storm. He wants us to know when we’re on the boat, and the storm is raging, He is with us and in an instance He can calm the sea and the storms. Our spouse is the BEST gift, next to salvation, He offers us, but we must steward it well. The only way to do that is to surrender them completely to God. We can not worry for the ‘what if’ and ‘what happens when.’  We must seek the peace that surpasses all understanding and treasure the gift of time God has given us as a family. 

That doesn’t mean evil is not in this world or that every one of our spouses will always be safe. It does mean if we were to experience the unimaginable, we still rest in a good God who promises to walk with us through the darkest of seasons. This is the same God who brings beauty from ashes. He always prevails even if darkness tries to overcome us. So we must face each tone we hear on the scanner or phone call received at midnight that they will leave in 24 hours, with trust, believing whatever the Story God has written for us, it’s a good one. One that serves to bring Him the most glory so that others may come to know Him. We must first posture our hearts in surrender and in gratitude for the incredible, sometimes challenging ;), gift that is our spouse. They are not ours to begin with. God’s love for them is FAR greater than anything we could ever experience for them. Our spouse was God’s child long before they ever became our spouse. So if you have yet to walk through that season of questioning, or like me find yourself giving into the anxieties as they rear their ugly head yet again, hold on to these truths with everything you have. God is and should be our everything. Our spouse is a gift from God and was God’s child long before they became our spouse. *Everything* was created to give God glory and we must live that out in every aspect and season of our life. 

Want to know the comical story where I felt thrown into the deep end to this realization? Stay tuned 😉 I’ll post that for a mid-week pick me up!

Can I be real for a second? One area I feel is often missed or misunderstood in many communities is the support and advice given to spouses of military, first responders and those whose spouses travel for weeks to months at a time for their job(linemen, outages, contractors etc.) Now there are some organizations in place to help -sort of- but if I’m being real, I’m not about to tell a complete stranger that is a part of this support organization(that I’ve never met and won’t be around at the end of these orders) that I’m completely falling apart all while my car broke down, dishwasher broke, son is having surgery in a week and I’m still working 40+ hours a week a week after my husband just left for a year long deployment.

While people seemingly have the best heart and intentions behind comments like “I don’t know how you do it” or “I know I never would make it if I were you” it offers little to no comfort when actually faced with the reality that this is your family dynamic for the rest of your lives. My goal is to start a blog and community with the hopes to encourage those who are walking this path along side me. There is purpose and a light and honestly a GIFT to be seen in your marriage through these seasons you face. We have an opportunity to experience a marriage on a much deeper appreciation and that truly can be a gift. I want to use this as a place to discuss the rarely addressed issues of marriage AND allow it to be a place free to ask the most outrageous questions. We can discuss things like effective communication, family dynamics, children, sex and intimacy as it pertains to having a marriage that revolves around ever-changing and unpredictable schedules, sometimes meaning you haven’t/won’t see your spouse for several months. Answer questions together like:

How do you keep intimacy alive in a marriage when your spouse is gone for 9-12 months at a time?

How do you keep a positive light on a parents job when all the children see is their job suddenly takes their parent away for a long time?

How do you keep it together for yourself AND for your children when you have to see your spouse off yet again for another 3 month trip?

I don’t have the clear, solid answers but I do have some experience and continue to gain new experience as our years married progress. I also hope this gives a place for all of us to share with each other from our different years of experience and different walks of life. The reality is we all face the same struggles of loneliness, self doubts, and feeling the weight to keep an entire household running without missing a beat all while maintaining professional careers etc. and the weight/worthless feeling of when we inevitably fail to meet our own unattainable expectations.